So Hard to Handle...

I sat there, momentarily dumbfounded at the penis staring up at me. Up to this point, I'll admit, my experience with the male genitalia was somewhat limited. My PV (penis vitae) included countless dry humping sessions and heavy petting through clothes, 5 guys were privvy to my "handy work", only 2 in my (short) list of bfs had been "blown away" and 4 guys were actually lucky enough in that I let them put their peeny in my pretty parts.

And it's not that I didn't want to have experienced more. I just hadn't had the opportunity (or desire) to get down and dirty with a lot of guys that had crossed my path. Well, that's not true. There were plenty of guys I'd met that I would've spread my legs for had they wanted to give me the time of day. I think the biggest obstacle (aside from being clumsy and often clueless) was that most of my young adult life was spent in a serious monogamous (though that was one-sided in the end) relationship.

So, when faced with the biggest penis I'd ever seen in person (or most porn movies for that matter) I wasn't exactly sure what to do with it. It looked somewhat like a newborn's arm sans the tiny fingers. It was mildy disturbing. And amazing. The Banshee nearly lost her mind.

What... what do you do with one that big? Good lord, that's not human. That's... just... omigod.

Not one to back down from a challenge, I wrapped my hands (yes, both of them) around his shaft to bring the thing to an appropriate angle to also wrap my lips around it, too. I had a sneaking suspicion there weren't many women who'd actually been able to swallow him whole. I was determined to be one of those women.

I started slowly, familiarizing myself with it. Letting my tongue find a good hiding place, making sure my teeth wouldn't scrape the delicate skin, testing out my gag reflex. I kept my left hand at the base to sturdy it, and worked my way down. In about 20 seconds I declared defeat and realized there was no way in hell I was going to get all of him in my mouth.

I was disappointed. I imagined myself as one of those people who got their picture on the wall of the out-of-the-way steakhouses because they were able to consume the 70 oz steak in under an hour without barfing. Somethings are not meant to be.

I was not, however, going to let a minor detail like that thwart my efforts of getting him off. Up and down, round and round, back and forth until my lips went numb and the corners of my mouth felt as if they'd been split like the Jokers. This was turning out to be the longest blow job in history and still he was no closer to losing his load when I started.

Now I felt defeated. I pulled out all my tricks, which yes, I'll admit were few. BJ's were not something I exactly enjoyed. Guy number one was prone to cumming the moment my lips embraced the tip and Joe... well, Joe was kinda funky in the spunky and his balls always smelled rather musky. I attributed this to his overall hairyness and his unwillingness to groom. I had told him early on in our relationship that if he wanted more head, he'd have to trim back the hedge. He refused and so did I.

Sensing my frustration, Bartender stopped me mid-bob. "That's okay, you don't have to keep going. I don't usually get off from blowjobs."

"I'm terrible, aren't I?" I asked, sitting back in a huff on my duff beside him.

"No, you're not bad," he started, but I cut him off with a look that cried bullshit. He laughed. "You're technique could use a little refining, but seriously. It's not you. I'm just not really all that into blow jobs."

"Where've you been all my life?" I joked, trying to make light of what I felt was a rather embarassing moment.

"Seriously. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate blowjobs but I'd much rather fuck."

He kissed me (which was totally unexpected, I'd never met a guy willing to kiss after getting a BJ) and things got to be hot and heavy complete with orgasm-inducing finger play for me. I was dying for more. Without wanting to come out and say fuck me I kept trying to get myself in a position that had his ginormous peen bumping up against my pretty parts.

He was one who could take a hint.

"We don't have to do this, you know," he said, trying to reassure me that he didn't expect me to put out.

"No, I know. Trust me. I want to."

Quickly reaching into the pocket of his jeans that were only an arms length away, he pulled out a condom and slipped it on like a seasoned professional. I was all too eager for him to slip it into me...