Saturday evening. The long anticipated second date with Nate finally arrived and I was feeling rather foolish for acting so stupid earlier in the week (especially since I had logged into match, something I hadn't done since meeting Nate and saw that his profile was no longer active - a sign if ever there was one that he was off the market). I was relieved Nate was none the wiser to the craziness in my head (or my cyberstalking...)

GWG blamed the sex for my bahavior. The Banshee blamed GWG for jumping the gun to begin with. I just blamed myself for being an insecure dumb girl. I was determined to not let the "what ifs" take over and sabotage my night because I clearly had nothing to worry about. The Banshee was standing ready with a baseball bat to beat me and any stray thoughts senseless if things got carried away.

Luckily, there was no need. Nate and I had a great time and I made like a jellyfish all night goin' with the flow. We made dinner, made out, and made plans for the next weekend to see a band we liked play downtown. We cuddled on the couch watching reruns of SNL and ended it with a steamy romp in the sack.

I fell asleep on is chest and felt such a sense of contentment and laughed at how ridiculous I'd been earlier in the week. I had nothing to worry about except worry itself. The next morning we laid around in bed for hours, trading stories about our childhood. I offered to make us brunch, but Nate declined.

"Not today sweetness," he said kissing my forehead as he picked up his pants from the floor. "I promised my folks I'd swing by for lunch and help with some yard work. If I don't leave now, I'll never make it. And trust me, you don't wanna keep my mom waiting," he said flashing me a smile that warmed me all over.

"I'll remember that for the future," I said, crawling out of bed and wrapping my robe around me to walk him to the door. We stood there doing the whole long goodbye thing. Standing there, all I wanted to do was tell him I would miss him. I wanted to say something to let him know how happy and excited I was about "us".

Just say you'll miss him, The Banshee insisted. Just tell him you can't wait to see him again.

Don't you dare let on how you're feeling, you'll freak him out! GWG argued. You have to play hard to get!

But I didn't want to be hard to get. I wanted to be gotten. I wanted Nate to have me, and thought he should know that. Even though it was early, we'd both been caught up in our feelings, he even said as much on our first date, that he felt like we've known each other forever. Despite what may have been better judgment, I just put it out there.

"I wish you didn't have to go," I said, nuzzling into his neck, inhaling his scent deeply, to hold onto it long after he left.

He pulled away abruptly. "Don't be like that," he said, somewhat sternly.

"What," I cooed, "I'm just gonna miss you. I have to wait a whole week to see you again!"

"Not even a week," he said, taking his jacket from behind the door. "You'll survive."

I was a bit surprised by his tone, but realized I might've sounded a bit too needy. In an attempt to recover, I pulled myself together, dropped the lovesick girl bit and told him he was right and I'd see him next Friday. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and left.

I couldn't help but feel like something changed the moment I admitted that I was going to miss him. It almost felt like he pulled back - and not just physically, which he did. He pulled emotionally away. Disconnected. Retreated a bit to put some distance between us. I had a sick feeling in my stomach that I somehow managed to fuck something up. That I should've listened to GWG and said nothing. It was a feeling that I couldn't shake all day, but decided I was being ridiculous and vowed not to get carried away, less take a beating from the Banshee. I heard nothing from him that night.

On my lunch break the next day I picked up the concert tickets at the box office. I was anxious to tell Nate about the great seats we had, but resisted the temptation to text him first. He always texted me on his lunch hour and I decided I'd wait and text him back after I heard from him.

Only he didn't text me that afternoon.

He didn't call me that night.

I told you you shouldn't have slept with him! GWG chastised. You never should've told him you were going to miss him!

You shouldn't have been so quick to throw yourself into a "relationship". The Banshee countered. Not to get all George Michael on you hunny but you gave him your heart and well, you know the rest of the line...

Either way, it was clear I messed something up. In an effort to stop wondering what if, I decided to ignore both bitches in my head and texted him before I went to bed. I heard nothing back. I was devestated, but oddly, not completely surprised - I had already played the scenario out in my head and almost saw it coming. I tried to sleep that night, but instead, I lay in bed, my head on the pillow his head rested on not even 48 hours prior. I could still smell him. I could feel my heart crack.

The most frustrating thing was that I just wanted to talk to him. Wanted to hear his voice. Something to be reassured that everything was fine between us. I wanted to fall asleep on his chest. Thoughts of the previous few weeks consumed me as I lay there. I couldn't stop thinking about him and felt overwhelmed and confused. I felt like I was stuck in a swirling whirlpool with no way out.

The last thought I had that night was how did I manage to fuck this up already?