Sorry for the impromptu hiatus on the story line; I've had a few issues with blogger and with time management lately but promise to return to my regularly scheduled blogging soon.
In the meantime, discuss this dating drama from a reader who sent me an email asking for advice:
I've been dating this girl for a few weeks. We've gone out a couple of times, all planned and initiated by me. She's younger than me (she's 25, I'm 32) but she's quite successful for her age. I'm definitely attracted to her (she's got a smokin' hot bod) but she did something last night that has completely turned me off and I'm not sure I want to see her again.
She sent a video message to my phone of her dog humping her roommates leg. She and her roommate were in her roommate's bed together and this dog humping the leg thing appears to be a regular occurrence, because you can hear them in the background talking about how "this was a good hump, this time" and how it "wasn't as wet as last time".
Last time? Really? Is this what constitutes a good time now? As I said, I'm completely turned off by her crass sense of humor. We are supposed to go out this weekend and I was planning on sealing the deal with her Saturday night. So do you think it's still okay to have sex with her and then break up afterwards?
My advice was simple: Don't sleep with her, no matter how smokin' hot she is, because if you have sex and dump her she'll think he used her for sex, not drawing the connection that it was over in his mind the minute the dog humping video showed up on his iPhone.
My advice for everyone is know your audience before letting your freak flag fly...
Readers, I'm curious about your thoughts on the matter. Would you dump someone for being crass? Is he being too uptight?
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14 comments:
Hmmm would I dump a new guy for doing the same thing... yeah, I probably would be turned off because I am just not the type of person to find that humorous- I hate it when a guy I am trying to get to know sends or tells me really dirty jokes, but I tell them I don't appreciate that kind of humor all the time. But then again what do you expect for 25 these days regardless of success status? I personally love how the shift has become so predominant in expected behavior for the sexes these days- what once was accepted and passed as traditonal male juvenile behavior has now been openly embraced by the fairest sex and BRAVO girls hahaha.
Yeah, I would dump him. What kind of person lets a dog hump their leg, or watches while it does that to a friend, yuck,gag gag, puke.....To me there is nothing funny about it, but that is just MO.
I kinda find that behaviour disturbing. I don't know if she should just let the poor dog hump her leg, and then laugh about it.
I can totally see how I would be turned off too.
And yeah, don't sleep with her. Sleeping and then dumping is ALWAYS a bad idea. No okay, not always. But mostly.
Meh, my dog (a spayed female mind you) would occasionally hump when we were play fighting her with puppets. We all thought it was hilarious, and remembering my father calling out "No humpy!" is making me giggle right now. Of course, my dog was a cocker spaniel. The image I got reading this was of a bigger male dog, which obvs could be wrong. Look, dogs hump. It's a domination thing. Ours would also get excited when she saw you and would piddle. Having an animal in the house lends itself to dealing with the animal's gross issues, but when it's yours you don't care -- see, this stuff doesn't bug me but I think the fact that cats poop, walk through their litter and then all around your house, including your kitchen counters, is disgusting.
Now, all that said, do you send a video of the humping to a guy you've been out with a couple times? Probably not. Probably she was joking about it "being a good one," but maybe they just have a humpy dog and it happens and they caught it on tape. I don't know. But yeah, don't fuck her if you are disgusted with her, because that makes you way, way, WAY the more questionable character in this scenario.
I would probably call it quits post-stupid video delivery, but I agree...you can't really throw the stone of moral superiority when you dump her immediately after having sex with her.
That is just wrong... the dog thing... You don't let the dog do that and discuss how wet it is...There is something really wrong with thinking that is funny. Definatly break up and no sex cause who knows what else she lets that dog do!
It's weird how one little thing can switch us off someone (and switch on the ick-factor). If you're going to dump her - and it sounds like you have to - then just dump her, and move on. Women get more attached after sex (something to do with the oxytocin rush we get) so it might be much harder work for you to breakup with her after sex than before.
Give yourself and her a break.
Sounds as if he has already made his decision about dumping her so why wait until after they have sex? Personally, that type of humor doesn't bother me but I don't find it attractive either. He is just as repugnant if he uses her for sex and then dumps her. Imagine if he found someone else, she may ask why his last relationship ended. Can anyone really respect a man that knows the relationship is over but still has sex with the girl and then dumps her? Not me. I would dump his ass as quick as he left the dog humping girl.
Having a jaundiced sense of humor, i have no doubt that i would have found that video absolutely hilarious. Different strokes for different folks.
But as you pointed out earlier, you need to know who your audience is "before letting your freak flag fly."
Who knows, maybe it was a test to see if he shares the same humor as she does. She may think he's a drag for not being able to share the comedy. The breakup could become mutual.
And Dude, don't fuck her. That's a dick move.
Total dick move. And he's assuming she'd let him; That's not necessarily a safe assumption.
It's early in the week. I say call the whole thing off and don't even go out Saturday.
If she thinks that video is funny, that's fine. If he thinks it's crass humour, that's also fine. All it means is they have incompatible sense of humour. It's not wrong, just different.
It sounds like it's a dealbreaker for this guy, so he should scrap Saturday night. It sounds as though he's not that into her anyway -- all he likes is that she's hot and apparently has a good job. Whoopee. Note how he doesn't say anything about her personality. Sounds as though he's not super interested anyway.
Sleeping with someone knowing you're going to break up with him or her is indefensible. Just let it go.
If something turns you off, it turns you off. We all have things that are deal-breakers whether we know what they are or not.
Personally, I can't stand crooked teeth and it is a TOTAL deal-breaker no matter how great the guy.
But this guy is clearly the poster-guy of what every woman fears: The man with whom we had such a wonderful time, sleeps with us and then breaks it off without an explanation.
DON'T BE THAT GUY. Our feelings will always be hurt, but it's worse if our bodies have been used.
I would definitely dump a guy if he sent me a video like that; more because of the immaturity of it than the crassness. BUT- this guy is a total jerk if he thinks it's still okay to have sex with her, then dump her afterward. This guy says he is 32- c'mon then, start acting like it and grow the heck up. You should be past that stage in your life.
Random, but I saw a commercial the other day where someone had a dog humping their leg and someone made a comment about it -- not like "oh, it's wet" but something along those lines. I'm just saying, maybe this guy just doesn't like gross out humor. But still, if he sleeps with her, I stand by my original assessment. Pure douchbaggery.
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